The most important person in your life is your child that you have brought in this world without their choice. It is your responsibility to support and contribute to her/his welfare, growth, health and happiness. Most of all once you have a child with a woman; you are forever connected with the mother. You have the power to contribute to this relationship to be positive or negative.
Never make the child a weapon to attack the mother. Not a lot of women plan to be a single parent but understand most weak up and do their best to raise the child, which is not easy. However, if you believe your child is in any kind of danger, you can take full responsibility to raise him/her. It is ok to have different type of parenting style. The mother or the father should not try to micromanage the child’s time with the other parent.
You could try to get back into relationship with the Mom, if you wish, in a respectful manner.
However, you do not have the right try to change or control her love life. She also doesn't have the right to control your love life. Make sure the people you date or bring around you child do not harm her/ him in any kind of way.
In addition, it would help you a great deal in becoming a good and responsible father, if you have respectful communication with the Mom. In the beginning it may be hard and you can minimize conflict by involving a third party to help you arrange access to visit your child and provide support. You could also use text and email, if you have difficulty in communication.
The most important support a father could provide to your baby is physical, financial and emotional support. By law you have the right to have access to your child.
Meaning no one could deny the father to see his child, even if he does not provide financial support. However, your request to visiting your child has to be reasonable. The father does not necessary have to go to court to arrange the time to see his child. He could negotiate with the mother. Try to be flexible and mindful of the mother’s schedule.
For example, try to arrange the visitation when the mother needs a child care so she doesn't have to pay for the babysitter. The father could also see his child during daycare/ school pick up and drop off time by taking the child back and forth. That would help the Mom and she can take care of the child better. If the mother refuses to let the father have visitation, you have the right to take her to court to enforce your right to see your child in regular basis. When the child is with you, talk to him, take him out to movies, playground, swimming, age appropriate family and friends events.
Feed him health food. Make sure he gets fresh air and sunshine. Teach him your language.
Introduce him with family and friends.
The father also have a right to be the primary care taker of your child. Meaning the father can be the one who raises his child or can have joint physical custody. Meaning the father can equally share the responsibility to raising the child. This could be arranged where the child lives with the Mother one year and the father the other year and continue alternating. This could also be done by weekly or monthly bases. The mother and father could discuss and come up with a schedule they think will work the best for their child. They could also go to medication center and negotiate and write an agreement. In Washington DC the DC Superior Court provides free mediation service. If you are in a very far place from your child, you can arrange once or twice phone or video call time daily or weekly, where you talk to them and help them learn.
You can also arrange for your child to come and spend time with you during summer and school brakes. It would be also be a great idea to let the Mom know that whenever she needs a brake or during emergencies, you will be able to take care of your child.
Regarding finical support, you have a legal obligation to provide child support at any time when the child is not living with you. You might as well, search your State’s child support guidelines and calculate the child support and send it to the mother every month. Make sure you use a method that allows you to keep a record of you support. The mother has a legal right to enforce child support in the court. Once the court is involved, the matter is out of your hand. You have to pay child support since the filing date. If you do not fulfill your obligation, you might lose your driver’s license and passports, even go to jail. The government also has a right to bring you to court and force you to pay, if your child is receiving government assistance.
Therefore, it is best if you directly provide monthly support to mother.
To boost your child’s confidence, you can send him/ her clothes, books, toys, pictures and letters. When the child is with you, do not talk negatively about the mother. You are forever connected with the mother. You both will be there you for your child’s graduation, wedding and grand-kids events. The sooner you treat the mother like a family member, the better.
In addition, you don't know where your baby would eventual ends up. To provide all this necessary support, you don't have to be rich or educated, you only have to be smart and have the heart to care for your child so you will not regret for not being a part of your child upbringing. If you didn't participate in raising the child, you cannot go looking for them when they become successful.
Peaceful co-parenting
Parenting team work
